Left for dead...

I had almost forgotten about my wee little blog, until Peter asked me about the url today...

It's been awhile... a lot has changed... Our secret baby from Ghana is not named Titan... turns out he is Gwen's not-so-secret baby. Our starving african baby turned out to be a sweet, chubby, spoiled 3 year old named Princess Mary Grace Jibbly. Her name, upon adoption, will be changed to Taylor Mary Grace Smith. I can't do "Princess", I just can't.

As time goes on I miss her more and more. It was hard to connect with her on some levels because we spent our days in the refugee camp, and her parents were with us constantly. For a while I felt a lot of guilt over the fact that I didn't FEEL like her mom... It's hard to watch someone take care of their child all day though, and build those feelings of "wow, thats my child now". Her older sister, Blessing, is Delilah's youngest daughter, so now, in a way they will be together again. At least in the same state. We haven't told Blessing yet, we plan to surprise her when we bring Taylor home.

Ghana was incredible. There is no other word. And not incredible in a beautiful, wonderful way alone... in a strike-awe-and-humility-deep-in-your-heart type of incredible. I've been to third-world war-torn countries before... But nothing could have prepared me for this. The utter poverty and destitution that grips these people... I have never felt so ashamed or so rich. Their cost of living is very similiar to that in the states, yet the average wage, for those lucky enough to work, is less than .50 cents a day... I literally spend a weeks wage on my starbucks coffee in the morning. I spend more money on caffiene in a week than they will earn in a month... I used to ask God why there were starving people in the world... Now He asks me. "Rachel, why are there starving people in the world?" Why, indeed. I could change the lives of many with what I throw away on starbucks... I am so selfish. But I'm learning.

Meet Michelle... 8 months old... not quite 11 pounds...

If you ever have the chance to hold a dying child it will change you at the deepest level, forever.

But, we are not without hope... So reads the sign to the farm they have begun...

More on Africa later...

Kelly is in Qatar... That sucks. That's all I have to say about that.

Gwen is 30!!! Yay! For her birthday we did the only mature thing, and went to a piercing/tattoo/hair salon/knicknack shop/Ron Jeremy shrine/closed in garage to get her nose pierced.

And there is the proof she went through with it.

That's all for now, busy day, lots to do...

The secret month...

Everything is a secret. Argh!!!

I have a secret garden, that I can tell you. We found it, it's mine now.

I have a secret wittle baby. His name is going to be Titan. He is in Ghana.

I have a secret name. And for about 3 minutes my name was officially "Rachel Rachel Warner". Computer Glitch.

I have a secret legal institution.

I think that is all.

Now you know why I have not blogged, because I can not tell you anything. Now that you know, I must kill you all.

Please drink your kool-aid.

When in doubt, twirl.

How many weeks now have I been meaning to update this? How many millions of things have happened that I now can't remember that I was definitely going to remember so that I could blog about them? Who knows. I've probably started ten or so, but it's hard to get into the swing of the first few lines. Usually once past that point I can ramble with the best of them. But for now, all I know is relief to be home. So that is where I'll start...

I am home.

Not like the "Honey, I'm home" you experience after a day at the office. No, more like a "throw the weeks worth of stuff in the entry way as you pass the threshold and sigh in relief" home.

We've been on the move constantly the last few months. All have been adventures worthy of taking, yet, sometimes it's nice to just be home. Of course, when snowed in for 5 days couldn't wait to bust out of here to "get to town", even if "town" happens to just be Oak Harbor. Or even Coupeville. I'll take what I can get.

I don't know how far back I've been meaning to update, so I guess I'll just ramble about December... Delilah took all of us girls, I believe there were 12 of us, give or take, to New York for the weekend. She had an appearance to do on Good Morning America, which most of us subsequently slept through, after the inclement weather delayed our plane for hours. We were in bed circa 4am. I'm sorry, but no television show in the world is worth only getting 2 hours of sleep. I'm surprised we slept at all after the PTSS we all suffered at the hands of our pilot, Captain Kangaroo. I have never been on a worse flight. Ever. Not his fault, exactly. See line about inclement weather above. Ever heard grown men sob in fear for their lives? Be grateful you missed the giant flying tin can of death experience. When we landed my first contact was to text Kelly, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" And I wasn't even being dramatic! ;)

We stayed right in the heart of Times Square, and I got some awesome photos right from my hotel window! We saw Wicked, The Rockettes, Bryant Park, went ice skating in Central Park, dined and shopped in Little Italy, where our waiter "Johnny, Til Midnight" entertained us with his jokes and his giant light up penis lamp, made of a salami and a few light bulbs. D asked what his name was after midnight; he wrapped his arms around her and with wink whispered in her ear loud enough for us all to hear, "You'll have to stick around to see!"

After dinner we went shopping. One store flipped a breaker and opened a hidden door to a back room full of knock-off purses, wallets, etc. All the girls ran inside screaming while they shut the now invisible door behind them once again. All the girls, except me, that is. Perhaps I am just too much like my father, but there is no way you're going to catch me running into a hidden room where no one knows I am without my gun on me. So, there you have it. I am the only one who came home with no fake designer purses. Alas, I suppose my real designer purses will have to suffice. :P But in all honestly, all I saw was human trafficking written all over that invisible door. ;)

Once home from New York we were snowed in nearly a week here at home with a bunch of friends. Nothing too memorable, except that I learned that I am an EXCELLENT poker player! And by "excellent" I mean that people honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. Ever. My moves are much too random to be anticipated. Also, by using the term "excellent" I do NOT mean that I ever win. Ever. My moves are much too random and uncalculated for that.

Christmas was grand. We had our little family Christmas on the evening of the 23rd, because we were headed to Port Orchard the following day, and wanted to have our special Christmas time. Kelly and I had nothing to open, as we're both so lame that we gave each other our Christmas gifts nearly as quickly as we bought each of them because we were too darned excited to keep it a secret. =) Christmas Eve was spent with Dad and Delilah, then Gwen and Eric. Gwen got whammed. There were good times all around. Christmas Day was a bit sad at first, as it really hit me that it was nearly all over, and I never FELT like it was Christmas. This mini-depression manifests a little more intensely each year. Perhaps one day I might realize that it will never feel like Christmas the way it did when I was young. However, this was the first year that EVERYTHING was different. Especially with Mom gone now... It was sad when I realized that instead of our huge Christmas Eve celebration with my parents, it was now just Kelly and I, together at Applebees. Ava was with Matt, mom is in NC, Dad and Kristi live with D, Ryan is doing his own thing, my other sisters... who knows, but still, it was a little hard. And yet, it was beautiful. It's time for new traditions, and Kels gave me the most beautiful Christmas there could be. Just by being himself, and loving and encouraging me. I can't even believe that such a man as him exists. There is, truly, none better.

After Christmas we returned home, quite foolishly, for just two days. Long enough to totally destroy the house in the aftermath and anticipation of all our comings and going, and watch the Bronco's lose all hope of post-season play. The latter which nearly destroyed Kels. After convincing him that life was still worth living, we packed up and headed to Crystal Mountain.

D rents a 5 story cabin there each year, about half a mile up the hill. Hill=Mountain. After a harrowing 5 hour trip to get there, we were told to wait 20 minutes for the CAT to come get us and our gear and haul us up the mountain. After a frickin hour and a half the incredibly stoned gentlemen finally arrives on a snowmobile. Apparently, he learned that evening that you can NOT take a CAT straight down the intermediate runs of a ski hill while high off your ass because you will lose control and crash it into a tree. I survived the harrowing trip up the mountain on the back of stoners snowmobile. My very expensive sonic toothbrush, however, did not fare so well. Perhaps a chipmunk or grizzly bear will find it useful this spring once the snow melts.

We arrive to a group of about 20. It's grand. Scattered, crazy and completely unorganized, but grand. We had a great day skiing together, Kels and I. It started out a little poorly in the morning, when we left the cabin, we hiked to the chair that was to take us down the mountain to rent our ski gear... We waited and waited and waited, it never started. So we hiked down the mountain, in knee deep powder, to begin our day. I have to say, we have this certain knack to our relationship where we're able to each lose it for a bit while the other is upbeat and able to hold it together, then we switch off a bit later. Heaven forbid we both lose patience with life in general at the same time. If you see a mushroom cloud looming in the distance, just know that Kelly and I both just became irritated at some small plight at the same time and that was the subsequent result. He held it together that morning much better than I did. I got over it once flying down the slopes. Daniel Bedingfield went along with us to the mountain. That was a fun experience, meeting him and his completely awesome friend-but-not-girlfriend-anymore-but-perhaps-again-one-day-if-it-so-happens, Makeala. He is very kind and humble and personable. Much more than I expected. He also has very strong opinions on matters that he has very strong opinions on and is willing to make them known. But he's honest, and you know where you stand. I appreciate that in people. Oh, funny story, Makeala was to be returned to Seattle on Wednesday, and he was borrowing some POS Toyota from a friend in WA for the trip, so they borrowed our Trailblazer. In a turn of events that was not his fault, a tree found the front of our car. So there you have it, our Trailblazer looks like someone took a swing at it with the worlds largest baseball bat. =) I think driving in the snow was just harrowing for him in general, being from warmer places, as he called me a few times down the mountain asking different questions about the operation of a motor vehicle in different conditions. =) He'll be staying in Port Orchard for a bit here early this year, poor guy. He knows not what he does...

On our way home from the trip we volunteered to take Lonika and Mallory home with us, as they were developing cabin-fever. Brittany and Devon were also taking off that day, so we all trekked down together. Lucky for us the lift was actually working at that time. Sadly for Mallory, she chose to ride down with Brittany and Devon. They are each on one side of her, the chair comes around, and the throw their bags in the middle and hop on... Mallory therefore has no seat, gets caught on the back of the legs, pushed forward and falls off the chair approximately 15 feet into a deep powder drift. It took a good couple of minutes to bail her out, as she was so deep that any movement pushed her further in. Poor girlie, it was like 20 degrees and she was absolutely frozen by the time we got down the hill.

New Years Eve we went to the Moondog with Marcie, Shari and Rick. We ran into some friends of theirs, and Brittany and a few of her friends ended up joining us as well. We ended up with a party of about 12. We had SO much fun! They threw a WWII style, "The Boys are Home" party. Kelly wore his dress blues, us girls wore victory rolls and fishnets and 40's clothing. We danced to a live swing band, laughed harder than we have in ages and kissed at midnight. It was a wonderful time. In fact, we were the hit of the evening, as we had "a real live sailor", and I guess, quite obviously, the most fun. At one point Brittany and I took to the dance floor. We danced and twirled and drew a little crowd who were slightly amazed at our fancy dance skills. Having no idea what we were actually doing, just knowing a basic swing step and the ability to read each other, our motto for 2009 was coined; "When in doubt, twirl." Enough twirling and everyone think you have it all together. ;) It was honestly one of the best evenings of my life. I was so proud to be there with Kelly. I know it's the common theme in most every one of my blogs, but I love him. So much. I have never had so much fun, never been so in love and never had such a wonderful best friend. There are just not the words to express it. He makes me feel so loved, like I never thought possible.

In closing, this year was my worst in that I lost nearly every possession that I thought was mine. This year was also my best as I gained every thing that I now know is worth having. I have surrounded myself with the most wonderful, trustworthy, loving people I have ever known. I have learned more about myself, others, love, communication, worthiness, and trust than I have in the whole rest of my life combined. I have a beautiful family. I have faithful, loving, fun, adoring and incredible man, a beautiful, sweet, independent, inquisitive little girl, the best friends a girl could ask for, and a whole new year ahead of me... How could it be any better?

You can never go down the drain...

It's supposed to flood here in Kitsap County today and tomorrow... I believe it, it's been raining non-stop and it's dark and gloomy and pretty much some of my favorite weather, except snow. And hot. And thunderstorms. I like anything extreme I suppose... But anyhow, we have another week of rain in the forecast, so we'll see how many of us wash away I guess. Good thing I have on my trusty necklace that says "You can never go down the drain. -Mr. Rogers". Isn't it the truth, Rog. No matter what goes wrong in life, you've always got that going for you. I seriously saw a parking lot today so full of water that it was swirling, like a flushed toilet, down into a tiny little storm drain hole in the middle.

Work has been going AWESOME. For those who know, it was not quite so awesome a month or so ago, then came redemption. Everyone else has pretty much gone their own way and I've been left to my own devices, which is really my best case work scenario... I thrive under pressure, and when I know I'm wholly responsible for something I do my best work... who doesn't? Don't answer that, actually... Or maybe I'm just really bossy and love being in control. That's a possibility. ;)

My mom leaves tomorrow... surreal, really. Not much else to say... we weren't really given any say in it, anyhow. I feel the worst for my littlest sister who literally cried inconsolably on my shoulder, telling me she'd never be able to run to her mom for anything again... And my brother who in the same state of emotion told her she was the best thing in his life... Or my little one, who cried and screamed like I was kidnapping her when we drove past "meema's" house yesterday and I wouldn't stop, because "meema's bye-bye". She cried until she made me cry... I don't think mom knows how much she really was still needed and wanted, and that just because times change, it doesn't mean that there's a position lost. I hope she's happy though in NC, I really, really do. It's time. And Gene, too. Gene, you'll probably never read this, but you're a good man. Thank you.

I did start decorating a little for Christmas... just a wee bit, as to not overwhelm the guy in the house... Plus he totally scored me a carpet cleaner this weekend, and my Martha Stewart side needs to clean them before I can put up a tree... I've also been baking like a madman... I don't know why, I hardly eat it and it all ends up being sent to work with Kelly. =) I've told him I'm trying to up his popularity factor. ;) I think he does ok on his own though... I would bring it to my guys here on-site, but I can't be "that" Rachel here at work. It's a sign of weakness. Funny, huh? It's like Marcie said in a round about way, you have to maintain the facade that you're not really a woman, no cooking, no kids, nothing "quintessential", while totally using the fact that you are a woman to your advantage because you're a minority in a male-driven field... It's a little dance we do...

Speaking of Marcie, real-estate agent extraordinaire, we are off to pick surfaces from the comfort of Tully's, with coffee and fireplaces and overstuffed chairs... how very quintessential of us. ;)

Your Lover Will Never Wish to Leave You...

So says Kelly's fortune cookie after lunch yesterday. It's true... I love him so much. After he leaves he sends me a text saying how much he loves his little family. How did I get so lucky?

It's been quite the while since I've written... As I'm reminded frequently by Vanessa... Soooo much has happened, good, bad, happy, sad...

My mom is moving to North Carolina. We found out like a week ago, and she leaves in a week. I just try to not think about it. I'm almost 30, I should be able to do just fine on my own, but it's still so sad, especially for little Ava. Mom is the one person she's always genuinely excited to see and stay with, it's going to be very sad to grow up without seeing her on a regular basis. But, what do you do? Nothing you can. Sucky.

Lucky for me, it's almost Christmas time, which means a happy distraction... Our family is a bit notorious in our crazy love for all things Christmas. I decorate the day after Halloween. :D Kelly is not necessarily thrilled about this... but I think it's because he's never been introduced to (perhaps subjected to?) a Warner Christmas. He huffily stated that I only get 10 hours of decorating help out him... Wow, that's like 5 times more than I've ever asked anyone for! Sweet! He backpedalled heavily upon finding this out...

We took Ava on her first hunting trip a few weeks ago... it was cold. We rented these little A-Frame pop-up campers with propane heaters... not sure what went wrong, plenty of propane, plenty of battery, but no heat. Just lots of cold air blowing into an already freezing trailer. Jesse and Manda's worked... damned working heaters that were not in our trailer. Anyhow, we actually woke up (when we slept, which was very little) to ice growing on the inside of the trailer walls. That was awesome. And we had to pee outside. In the cold. That was traumatizing. Oh, and there were no deer.

And yeah, I would write more, but I got a crap-load of stuff to do and I'm at work...

Oh, the randomness...

So, crucify me now. I'm not registered to vote. And the deadline is 5 days away... There's a few reasons for this... all based solely upon my personal opinion, which I highly respect. These reasons include, but are not limited to:

1) I am not involved enough to commit fully to any one party or candidate with a clear conscience. I can not be bothered to do the research. Mostly because I don't think it matters what I think or how I vote, anyhow.
2) I don't think it matters what I think or how I vote, anyhow. Electoral College. Heard of it? Yeah, yeah... I know, I know. But still, only 24 states punish faithless electors. Thank you, Wikipedia.

All that said. I also believe that Barack is not the Anti-Christ. Seriously, don't you think that'd be a liiiiittle too easy? And I'll say it again, I'm seriously tired of every christian in America choosing our fearless leader based upon gun control and abortion laws. I bet Jesus cared about other things too. Like the poor, the sick, the orphans and widows. I'm just sayin'... I'm obviously not voting for Mr. Obama... I'm not voting for anyone. (DISCLAIMER: This does not negate my right to complain about George W. My vote doesn't matter in the first place! Remember? So vote or no, I'm still subject to Mr. Bush.)

And while we're on the subject, did you know that there was a Ford released in Europe (as a side-note, Ford is American made) that gets 65 miles to the gallon? Nope, you can't have one. They don't even build them in America. Because we won't buy them. Because they're run on diesel. We don't like diesel. We won't buy them. True story.
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_37/b4099060491065.htm?chan=autos_autos+--+lifestyle+subindex+page_top+stories

Why would we want to decrease our dependency on fossil fuels anyway, that's a stupid idea. Anyway, I like fossil fuel. No, really, I do. I like SUV's and fast cars... But come on. I'm sure there's enough tree huggers out there that we could at least put a small dent into the consumption. =)

Ok, I'm done ranting.

In other "destroy the earth" news, we're going hunting in just a few days. We managed to secure a camper for the pick up. It's decent. It has spiders. I discovered the spiders and wanted to burn it to the ground... Kelly wouldn't let me. Probably because it was attached to his pickup... But anyway, a good bug bombing, a little paint, some clean up and spider carcass removal... it'll be as good as new. Or at least good enough. Let's put it this way, I'll be willing to sleep in it at that point. Especially since I'm getting an awesome deal on some new carpet to put inside of it. Awesome deal = free. Construction has its' perks.

One of those perks, by the way, is not the current economy. Hard to sell homes without someone to buy them. Craziness. I am prophesying another depression. This prediction hails from my vast experience in the world of business and finance. But really... The writings kind of on the wall, isn't it. Sad. I don't think I know too many people who aren't facing some sort of major financial crisis. Except those that were fairly poor to begin with. All of us who have (had?) a lot are watching it be stripped away. Misery loves company, and boy are we having a party! It's strange... my life is so foreign compared to where I was a year ago... I guess this is the part of my blog where I stop touting my opinions on things I know nothing of, and can't control, and just get real... One year ago I owned three homes totalling nearly a million in real estate holdings. I had dreams of a new car, 20k in savings and plans to spend Christmas in Hawaii, accomidations already made... Those who know me know well enough how life has changed... Truly the most life-shattering and humbling year that I may ever see in my entire life. Item by item I watched the world I had created be stripped away. If I listed it all out you wouldn't even believe me... Truly, barring the death of my family, I can't imagine that life could ever be any worse. This is not an exaggeration. I will probably never see a more devastating year... And yet... it was the most beautiful year of my life. It was the hardest, don't get me wrong. I cried more tears, screamed, yelled, stressed, panicked, got so sick I was in the hospital twice... But I wouldn't trade it all for my old life. I feel that I truly had to come to this place in my life to be a worthwhile person. I've learned so much about humility, judgement, God's love, the love of others, the love FOR others, what's important, what's not important. I've learned grace, beauty, vulnerability and trust. I've learned to let go. I've learned to be grateful. I've learned that anyone who says "God will never give you more than you can handle" is full of crap. He never said that... He said "You can do all things in Christ." I've learned so much about Jesus. I've learned even more about God. I always talked to Jesus before... God seemed mean, and far away and aloof... now I realize that Jesus is His very heart revealed. God is beautiful, God is vulnerable. God waits around for me to love Him... And he gave me so much beauty in return for the ashes and dirt that I gave up. He gave me Kelly, who loves me so much, even when I forget that it's all ok, and freak out in some stressful situation. He gave me my time with Ava, who is my best little friend, whom I could spend every moment with and still never have enough time. I'm not gonna lie... sometimes it still sucks. Losing a life. Not death, but the loss of my "life". Sometimes I forget and get down. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I pass a home for sale and have an overwhelming compulsion to buy it. =) But it's ok. I am here. I'm all here. Bloom where you're planted. Dear God, teach me how.

And then he went to the farm...

Because that's where all bad doggies go... We no longer have another dog. He was rejected, and taken to the pound. True story. He obeyed better than Lily, for sure, but he had one quirk that we just couldn't get over...



He tried to eat the goat every chance he got.



So, in all fairness to goat, who WAS here first, and probably wants her neck attached to her head, Bo had to go. Is it bad that I don't miss him? He was just tied up all the time, away from goat, and would bark, wrap his leash around trees until he couldn't even sit, bark, be generally annoying, and bark. And if you ever DID let him off the leash he'd lunge at goat so quickly that heaven forbid you're standing in the way, you'll be knocked off your feet. It was just too intense, especially with little Ava.



Ok, but seriously, I really don't give nearly as much attention to the animals as this blog would imply, I do have a real life. But I needed to get that confession off my chest...



So today was Aver's first day at preschool. It really cemented my suspicions that I am just not "a mommy". I love Ava to death, but heaven forbid I should ever forget how to talk in a normal pitch, or wear only sweaters, or sport a brainless perma-grin while commenting on how "cute" and "adorable" everything is.

I digress... This section of my rant, er, blog, is about Ava. She was completely overstimulated and overwhelmed in the presence of 12 other screaming, pushing, nosepicking children and their subsequent "mommies". This overstimulation/whelmedness culminated in the throwing of herself on the floor and banging her head into the cement in a fit of rage. She will learn soon enough that the best way to handle said "rage" is to throw things and hurt OTHER people... so much to learn. I suppose this is why I have her enrolled in school at such an early age.

But I think that she shall fare well afterall, because the best thing ever happened today at preschool.

She got snack.

Oh, and I was the only mom who showed up in cargoes and a sweatshirt. And flip flops. And a ponytail. Ok, the end.

Anyway, tomorrow Kels and I get to go see Phantom. He's seen it like a bazillion times already, so it sucks to be him, but I'm going and he's being dragged along. He whined about it in the presence of testosterone so much that I actually got irritated and told him that he didn't need feel pressed to go... at which point he confessed that he's really kind of excited, but he can't let on to the other guys. I'll let it slide. I'm cool like that.

We're going to see Carlos Mencia on the 11th too... then I think we're all out of shows. And we go hunting the 12th. When I say "we", I mean, him. I like shooting inanimate objects. And I prefer handguns. So it's just not a good match. Manda and I will stay and hold down the camp site. Our job is harder, really, if you think about it. And anyhow, not sure I could eat something I saw alive anyway... I mean, I'm not much of a meat eater, and it's not like a bleeding heart issue or anything... just a grossness-factor issue. It's based upon the same principle that caused my mom to throw away 13 frozen chickens a year after we had to slaughter them. No one could bring themselves to eat one... And subsequently, we never raised another animal... unless you count Kristi. But I think she'd be gamey...