Details, Details.

So, it has been brought to my attention, more than once and usually via Vanessa, that no one has any idea what I'm talking about most of the time. I admit this has been mostly on purpose, in order to protect my interests during these last 6 months or so... However, I think it's time to start opening up, so here we go...

As previously predicted my life is completely different than it was a few months ago. Wow, where to start... I've left Port Orchard. I've officially moved to Oak Harbor with Kels and I love it. We've got a cool little (huge) place surrounded by 92 acres of prime 4-wheeling property. Most weekends are spent doing just that and/or bbq-ing with friends, bonfires, sharp shooting contests and blowing things up. (Ok, that only happened once...) I've developed an awesome circle of friends, they are some of the greatest people I've ever known. While I still miss my Gwen terribly I come visit her every so often in PO and life goes on. I have adopted a Sarah and an Amanda and theyre just peachy. I'm very happy here, finally feel like I can take that deep breath that I've been holding the last 7 months or so.

I've also quit my real estate investing... Some reasons are fairly obvious, some not so much... I actually, at the end of all this, will only have one rental left. It's all good though, feels freeing to finally be out of the burden of the stress of having so much crap. I've realized how much I felt the need to acquire to fill the hole in my heart... Delilah told me once that when you're truly where you're supposed to be, when you truly love and are loved in return, you'd be happy in a cardboard box. Coming from the woman who makes more in a week than most people do in a year I never believed her, of course... but now I get it. She has been such a huge support to me. I'm grateful to have her. In so many ways I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, even as I watch everything I've worked so hard for slip through my fingers. I've got my awesome little family, yes, even the stupid dog, and that's all I want. It feels strange to actually be so raw here like this... it's been a long time I've been able to actually just WRITE. Anyhow, lucky, yes. Loved, yes. Crazy, but of course. ;)

What else, what else... Brittany gets married August 9th. Things got pushed up a year or so for financial reasons, but it's a good thing. They've waited long enough. Kristi has gone to live with Dad and Delilah at the farm, I pray she finds herself there.

Anyhow, I suppose that's the major stuff. Kels is in Wyoming for the next 12 days, so I'm here in the PO hanging with my peeps, packing up what's left in the house, working (except not really) and all other kinds of fun stuff. I'm here for awhile anyway, let me know if you want to hang out. This means you Vanessa, as I'm not sure anyone else reads these...

Brown Chicken Brown Cow

All right, I know you've been waiting... here they are, top ten (or so) quotes of the week:

"I feel like a dickhead... what kinda man runs over a puppy?!"

"I don't know about smart people... they're kinda weird."

"I don't trust that guy. I don't trust ANY man that doesn't think farts are funny... because farts... are FUNNY."

"These Seattlites go buy their latest and greatest Jesus sandals and go bebopping up into the mountains with a llama..."

"What? Raw Dough?... Oh good, I was picturing chocolate chips in inappropriate places."

There ya go.

Oh, and what do you get when you mix a brown chicken with a brown cow?

Brownchickenbrowncow! (Say it outloud.)

Pretty much had an awesome weekend. That's all. There was fire, friends, food and fourwheelers... what else do you need? Maybe a helmet... Would have saved more than one face a black eye this weekend.

I'm a happy, happy kid, that's for darn sure. Life has, once again, totally uprooted me in the last few months and changed everything... and it's grand.

So, here's the low down on what's up... I'm moving. Again. It's only three times since August... yeah. I'm renting out the Dutchess house now... Only, I didn't buy a new one this time. =) Stupid housing crisis has hit home. Divorce didn't help. So I have a few rooms available for rent, if you've recently found yourself homeless... I should be out of here within two weeks. Surreal. Never thought I'd own three homes and not be able to live in any of them. =) It's ok though, I'm being taken care of and life is grand. Things mean very little anymore... I've learned that you can't buy enough things to buy happiness. I am truly happy now, in the face of losing everything. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. I sit open handed and with a smile on my face, for he has traded me something infinitely more valuable. Joy, security, happiness, love, trust, the ability to learn to be "me" again and a safe place to crash.

Ava is doing well. She's beautiful, happy and healthy. And stubborn. Oh dear god, who taught her the word "no"? It wasn't me. *sigh* We got her a little puppy named Lily... who is fast becoming not so little. Ava likes to sleep with her in the crib. And lily likes to ride on her lap in the car. =) A few days ago we went through the drive through, I asked her if she'd like chicken nuggets... She looks up the sky and says "ummmmmmmmmm.... fesh fize". (French fries.) Stinker.

Anyhow... there's so much more to report, but it needs to be saved for another time. I'm out holmes.

That's All

Overwhelmed.

I am, I am.

All is lost... All is found.

It's all good, for I've found my safe place. Could I be any happier while it all falls apart?

I doubt it.

The Luckiest Girl in the World...

That's me.

Don't know why... or how it happened... and I'm sure I don't deserve it... but there it is.
Unwavering. Beautiful. Safe. Loving.
Redemption? Maybe.
Even in the face of crazy. Life is crazy. I am crazy. But you knew that, didn't you.
My heart is happy. I'm grateful. I'm light. I'm enthralled. I am learning... always learning. I'll get it... eventually.

No disclaimer. I live right now. This is me today.

Life is beautiful. Even when it shouldn't be. And I'm glad to be in it.

Ode to Kristi

My favorite 14 year old sister wrote this... but I would have, if I'd have thought about it.

a promise to myself: ive decided to prove people wrong. To do whatever makes people happy inlife. to believe in myself. I will never care what people think of me. and to only show wisdom when needed. besides, for now, i need it the most. To show the world something different. and be happy where ever i am. to think about what i have, and where i am. and where im going. i wont think about all my flaws. i want to be beautiful inside & out. i wont live in a fantasy land. ill be right here beside you. and i learn to love like never before. i'll try new stuff. ill read my bible. i will find what i havnt discovered yet. i wont make promises. and Ill be a better person. ill work hard for the right things, and ill keep my nose clean. i will be happy with what i have and who i am. I'll find who i am. ill change, try new things, go new places. Comfort people i love. ill show people who im gonna become. ill be nicer then necasary. and ill let them know that you can be happy in a cardboard box. because if i dont start now, i wont know how to be happy wherever i am. ill learn the dangers of selfishness, and ill cry when i need to. i will never let myself get too stressed that i wont know the meaning of fun. i wont get scared of the future, and forget everything ive promised myself. i wont block out pain, i will not harden my heart. pain is only a passing lesson. ill learn every lesson. I wont make things all about me. ill listen to instruction, and what im told. i'll believe in what people dont. i want to end up somewhere great. poor, rich, lonely. Ill have everything i need in reality, nothing at all. Ill memorize this up & down.
and i can only start now.

Hortense

I am so glad my name is not Hortense.

True story: "What should I tip him?" "A cookie." *writing* "Here's... a... cookie..."

So some girl at Desert Sun hornswaggled me out of another $200 today. I'm such a sucker. Seriously... I have enough UVA and UVB rays on tap to give skin cancer to a small nation. Perhaps Iceland. It's a small country, compared to some. And they prob don't get a lot of warm sunshine, so it'd be easy. And yes... I seriously just said hornswaggled.

My Gwen is home from Denver. Talk about the longest 5 days of my life. Actually... those weren't the longest... I'm pretty sure it was the time I tried to quit coffee. I know... what was I thinking.

I'm very distracted, sorry that the literary genius has been reduced to mere mediocrity today. It's the fault of people who smell so good. And won't let me sleep in the grass. I deserved it.

As Gwen says "You're a freakin' freaker." I am. But I'm so damned lovable.

And you better watch it peeps, or I'll crack your ribs. *sigh*

This is Rach, over and out.

In the tradition...

Here are a few smatterings of my conversations today:


Rachel: "She's brushing her teeth." Eric: "With a... taquito."


Gwen: "Well, obviously, the neck is the head-handle."


Rachel: "and I feel like a gluttony fat head" Gwen: "oh yeah??.... I feel like a gluttony fat-head retard that needs to wear a helmet because I am not even safe to operate a shower!"


Rachel: "Please don't thrown chicken at my computer."

Another day in the life of Rachel. Enjoy.