I am so glad my name is not Hortense.
True story: "What should I tip him?" "A cookie." *writing* "Here's... a... cookie..."
So some girl at Desert Sun hornswaggled me out of another $200 today. I'm such a sucker. Seriously... I have enough UVA and UVB rays on tap to give skin cancer to a small nation. Perhaps Iceland. It's a small country, compared to some. And they prob don't get a lot of warm sunshine, so it'd be easy. And yes... I seriously just said hornswaggled.
My Gwen is home from Denver. Talk about the longest 5 days of my life. Actually... those weren't the longest... I'm pretty sure it was the time I tried to quit coffee. I know... what was I thinking.
I'm very distracted, sorry that the literary genius has been reduced to mere mediocrity today. It's the fault of people who smell so good. And won't let me sleep in the grass. I deserved it.
As Gwen says "You're a freakin' freaker." I am. But I'm so damned lovable.
And you better watch it peeps, or I'll crack your ribs. *sigh*
This is Rach, over and out.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
In the tradition...
Here are a few smatterings of my conversations today:
Rachel: "She's brushing her teeth." Eric: "With a... taquito."
Gwen: "Well, obviously, the neck is the head-handle."
Rachel: "and I feel like a gluttony fat head" Gwen: "oh yeah??.... I feel like a gluttony fat-head retard that needs to wear a helmet because I am not even safe to operate a shower!"
Rachel: "Please don't thrown chicken at my computer."
Another day in the life of Rachel. Enjoy.
Rachel: "She's brushing her teeth." Eric: "With a... taquito."
Gwen: "Well, obviously, the neck is the head-handle."
Rachel: "and I feel like a gluttony fat head" Gwen: "oh yeah??.... I feel like a gluttony fat-head retard that needs to wear a helmet because I am not even safe to operate a shower!"
Rachel: "Please don't thrown chicken at my computer."
Another day in the life of Rachel. Enjoy.
Friday, February 8, 2008
True Story
This conversation actually transpired between Kristi and I this evening.
Rachel: "Wow, this guy's ugly. No wonder he's single."
Kristi: "Well, you're single and you're not... hideous...
... I mean, you look nice...
...pretty...
...pretty gorgeous...
...I'm just trying to cover..."
Rachel: "Wow, this guy's ugly. No wonder he's single."
Kristi: "Well, you're single and you're not... hideous...
... I mean, you look nice...
...pretty...
...pretty gorgeous...
...I'm just trying to cover..."
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
A little something I wrote for Ava
All the things I wish someone had told me...
1) Nothing is guaranteed, or certain. You can lose money, beauty fades, friends can move, family can pass away, wit and knowledge can be stolen by old age... The only thing that no one or no thing can ever take away from you is Jesus. Always live your life in such a way that you remember that.
2) The type of music you listen to will directly affect the kind of person that you are.
3) Never choose a friend for their looks, their popularity, or their money.
4) No one is ever more important than you are. People are just good at pretending.
5) Hold your head up, smile, shake hands firmly and look people in the eye. It will take you far.
6) Family comes first. Stick together and have eachothers backs. One day you'll regret it if you don't.
7) Boys are a dime a dozen. Find a man who loves God, and loves you. If you're not compatible, move on. Life is short, don't waste your time with the wrong one.
8) Don't keep company with lazy people who have no ambition or goals.
9) Remember that every mean person is hurting on the inside.
10) Treat everyone as if they're the most important person in the world.
11) Never say in private what you don't want said in public. Even if only half of it ever gets out, that can lead to a lot of embarrassment.
12) You will never know how much your parents love you... until you have children of your own.
13) Don't bother with grudges or bitterness... odds are they don't care anyway.
14) Whenever you're in a new place and you're feeling insecure, smile and go talk to someone who's standing alone. They're feeling the same way.
15) 98% of life in mental. Everything is outlook and perception. Think positive, be positive. Always be grateful. Make every day the best day ever.
16) There is nothing that you can not do if you really want it bad enough. It may take hard work, but never give up. Anyone that tells you otherwise had already made excuses for their own failures.
17) You will attract what you think about. May all of your daydreams have happy endings.
1) Nothing is guaranteed, or certain. You can lose money, beauty fades, friends can move, family can pass away, wit and knowledge can be stolen by old age... The only thing that no one or no thing can ever take away from you is Jesus. Always live your life in such a way that you remember that.
2) The type of music you listen to will directly affect the kind of person that you are.
3) Never choose a friend for their looks, their popularity, or their money.
4) No one is ever more important than you are. People are just good at pretending.
5) Hold your head up, smile, shake hands firmly and look people in the eye. It will take you far.
6) Family comes first. Stick together and have eachothers backs. One day you'll regret it if you don't.
7) Boys are a dime a dozen. Find a man who loves God, and loves you. If you're not compatible, move on. Life is short, don't waste your time with the wrong one.
8) Don't keep company with lazy people who have no ambition or goals.
9) Remember that every mean person is hurting on the inside.
10) Treat everyone as if they're the most important person in the world.
11) Never say in private what you don't want said in public. Even if only half of it ever gets out, that can lead to a lot of embarrassment.
12) You will never know how much your parents love you... until you have children of your own.
13) Don't bother with grudges or bitterness... odds are they don't care anyway.
14) Whenever you're in a new place and you're feeling insecure, smile and go talk to someone who's standing alone. They're feeling the same way.
15) 98% of life in mental. Everything is outlook and perception. Think positive, be positive. Always be grateful. Make every day the best day ever.
16) There is nothing that you can not do if you really want it bad enough. It may take hard work, but never give up. Anyone that tells you otherwise had already made excuses for their own failures.
17) You will attract what you think about. May all of your daydreams have happy endings.
Bed time nonsense
It's currently 10:18pm, and I'm sitting at home, lights flickering, damning directv for the stupid "satellite" idea. Who came up with that? One inch of snow and suddenly the whole system goes to crap. Figures, I don't watch tv for weeks, then the one night I decide to catch up on LOST, I get cut off right after Naomi runs off. If you know the ending, don't tell me. Or I shall have to cut you in a street fight. Hey, I've noticed you're pretty gangster... well, I just happen to be pretty gangster myself.
I'm in the writing mood again lately. I can't tell you what's inspired it, not because I'm unaware of said muse, but because I can't tell you. Top secret government stuff, I'm sure you understand. Plus I'd be laughed at and made fun of. Only Gwen and Missy know where my renewed love of my own literary genius has come from... and they're sworn to secrecy! And they might even be a little confused.
Today was the day of the appendicitis scare. Good news. I'm still alive con mi appendix. It's a good day when you think about it like that. Lucky for me the new roomie's a doctor and has random drugs lying around to make me better. Not like pk's, you drug addicts. Like antibiotics. Sheesh.
True story: These quotes actually transpired between gwen and I today.
*You know what I love about me? Besides everything?
*And he looks like he fell down the stairs face first. While in the house of ugly.
*Gwen: "I am totally feeling like a chip monster!" Rach: "Don't do it!"
*Rachel: "Hallelujah, I'm healed!" Gwen: "Right... he smacked your forehead... did some dancing around... ta-da! Oh, and fake smoke too. And lasers. Lots and lots of lasers."
Ok. I love you, bye.
I'm in the writing mood again lately. I can't tell you what's inspired it, not because I'm unaware of said muse, but because I can't tell you. Top secret government stuff, I'm sure you understand. Plus I'd be laughed at and made fun of. Only Gwen and Missy know where my renewed love of my own literary genius has come from... and they're sworn to secrecy! And they might even be a little confused.
Today was the day of the appendicitis scare. Good news. I'm still alive con mi appendix. It's a good day when you think about it like that. Lucky for me the new roomie's a doctor and has random drugs lying around to make me better. Not like pk's, you drug addicts. Like antibiotics. Sheesh.
True story: These quotes actually transpired between gwen and I today.
*You know what I love about me? Besides everything?
*And he looks like he fell down the stairs face first. While in the house of ugly.
*Gwen: "I am totally feeling like a chip monster!" Rach: "Don't do it!"
*Rachel: "Hallelujah, I'm healed!" Gwen: "Right... he smacked your forehead... did some dancing around... ta-da! Oh, and fake smoke too. And lasers. Lots and lots of lasers."
Ok. I love you, bye.
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