You can never go down the drain...

It's supposed to flood here in Kitsap County today and tomorrow... I believe it, it's been raining non-stop and it's dark and gloomy and pretty much some of my favorite weather, except snow. And hot. And thunderstorms. I like anything extreme I suppose... But anyhow, we have another week of rain in the forecast, so we'll see how many of us wash away I guess. Good thing I have on my trusty necklace that says "You can never go down the drain. -Mr. Rogers". Isn't it the truth, Rog. No matter what goes wrong in life, you've always got that going for you. I seriously saw a parking lot today so full of water that it was swirling, like a flushed toilet, down into a tiny little storm drain hole in the middle.

Work has been going AWESOME. For those who know, it was not quite so awesome a month or so ago, then came redemption. Everyone else has pretty much gone their own way and I've been left to my own devices, which is really my best case work scenario... I thrive under pressure, and when I know I'm wholly responsible for something I do my best work... who doesn't? Don't answer that, actually... Or maybe I'm just really bossy and love being in control. That's a possibility. ;)

My mom leaves tomorrow... surreal, really. Not much else to say... we weren't really given any say in it, anyhow. I feel the worst for my littlest sister who literally cried inconsolably on my shoulder, telling me she'd never be able to run to her mom for anything again... And my brother who in the same state of emotion told her she was the best thing in his life... Or my little one, who cried and screamed like I was kidnapping her when we drove past "meema's" house yesterday and I wouldn't stop, because "meema's bye-bye". She cried until she made me cry... I don't think mom knows how much she really was still needed and wanted, and that just because times change, it doesn't mean that there's a position lost. I hope she's happy though in NC, I really, really do. It's time. And Gene, too. Gene, you'll probably never read this, but you're a good man. Thank you.

I did start decorating a little for Christmas... just a wee bit, as to not overwhelm the guy in the house... Plus he totally scored me a carpet cleaner this weekend, and my Martha Stewart side needs to clean them before I can put up a tree... I've also been baking like a madman... I don't know why, I hardly eat it and it all ends up being sent to work with Kelly. =) I've told him I'm trying to up his popularity factor. ;) I think he does ok on his own though... I would bring it to my guys here on-site, but I can't be "that" Rachel here at work. It's a sign of weakness. Funny, huh? It's like Marcie said in a round about way, you have to maintain the facade that you're not really a woman, no cooking, no kids, nothing "quintessential", while totally using the fact that you are a woman to your advantage because you're a minority in a male-driven field... It's a little dance we do...

Speaking of Marcie, real-estate agent extraordinaire, we are off to pick surfaces from the comfort of Tully's, with coffee and fireplaces and overstuffed chairs... how very quintessential of us. ;)

Your Lover Will Never Wish to Leave You...

So says Kelly's fortune cookie after lunch yesterday. It's true... I love him so much. After he leaves he sends me a text saying how much he loves his little family. How did I get so lucky?

It's been quite the while since I've written... As I'm reminded frequently by Vanessa... Soooo much has happened, good, bad, happy, sad...

My mom is moving to North Carolina. We found out like a week ago, and she leaves in a week. I just try to not think about it. I'm almost 30, I should be able to do just fine on my own, but it's still so sad, especially for little Ava. Mom is the one person she's always genuinely excited to see and stay with, it's going to be very sad to grow up without seeing her on a regular basis. But, what do you do? Nothing you can. Sucky.

Lucky for me, it's almost Christmas time, which means a happy distraction... Our family is a bit notorious in our crazy love for all things Christmas. I decorate the day after Halloween. :D Kelly is not necessarily thrilled about this... but I think it's because he's never been introduced to (perhaps subjected to?) a Warner Christmas. He huffily stated that I only get 10 hours of decorating help out him... Wow, that's like 5 times more than I've ever asked anyone for! Sweet! He backpedalled heavily upon finding this out...

We took Ava on her first hunting trip a few weeks ago... it was cold. We rented these little A-Frame pop-up campers with propane heaters... not sure what went wrong, plenty of propane, plenty of battery, but no heat. Just lots of cold air blowing into an already freezing trailer. Jesse and Manda's worked... damned working heaters that were not in our trailer. Anyhow, we actually woke up (when we slept, which was very little) to ice growing on the inside of the trailer walls. That was awesome. And we had to pee outside. In the cold. That was traumatizing. Oh, and there were no deer.

And yeah, I would write more, but I got a crap-load of stuff to do and I'm at work...

Oh, the randomness...

So, crucify me now. I'm not registered to vote. And the deadline is 5 days away... There's a few reasons for this... all based solely upon my personal opinion, which I highly respect. These reasons include, but are not limited to:

1) I am not involved enough to commit fully to any one party or candidate with a clear conscience. I can not be bothered to do the research. Mostly because I don't think it matters what I think or how I vote, anyhow.
2) I don't think it matters what I think or how I vote, anyhow. Electoral College. Heard of it? Yeah, yeah... I know, I know. But still, only 24 states punish faithless electors. Thank you, Wikipedia.

All that said. I also believe that Barack is not the Anti-Christ. Seriously, don't you think that'd be a liiiiittle too easy? And I'll say it again, I'm seriously tired of every christian in America choosing our fearless leader based upon gun control and abortion laws. I bet Jesus cared about other things too. Like the poor, the sick, the orphans and widows. I'm just sayin'... I'm obviously not voting for Mr. Obama... I'm not voting for anyone. (DISCLAIMER: This does not negate my right to complain about George W. My vote doesn't matter in the first place! Remember? So vote or no, I'm still subject to Mr. Bush.)

And while we're on the subject, did you know that there was a Ford released in Europe (as a side-note, Ford is American made) that gets 65 miles to the gallon? Nope, you can't have one. They don't even build them in America. Because we won't buy them. Because they're run on diesel. We don't like diesel. We won't buy them. True story.
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_37/b4099060491065.htm?chan=autos_autos+--+lifestyle+subindex+page_top+stories

Why would we want to decrease our dependency on fossil fuels anyway, that's a stupid idea. Anyway, I like fossil fuel. No, really, I do. I like SUV's and fast cars... But come on. I'm sure there's enough tree huggers out there that we could at least put a small dent into the consumption. =)

Ok, I'm done ranting.

In other "destroy the earth" news, we're going hunting in just a few days. We managed to secure a camper for the pick up. It's decent. It has spiders. I discovered the spiders and wanted to burn it to the ground... Kelly wouldn't let me. Probably because it was attached to his pickup... But anyway, a good bug bombing, a little paint, some clean up and spider carcass removal... it'll be as good as new. Or at least good enough. Let's put it this way, I'll be willing to sleep in it at that point. Especially since I'm getting an awesome deal on some new carpet to put inside of it. Awesome deal = free. Construction has its' perks.

One of those perks, by the way, is not the current economy. Hard to sell homes without someone to buy them. Craziness. I am prophesying another depression. This prediction hails from my vast experience in the world of business and finance. But really... The writings kind of on the wall, isn't it. Sad. I don't think I know too many people who aren't facing some sort of major financial crisis. Except those that were fairly poor to begin with. All of us who have (had?) a lot are watching it be stripped away. Misery loves company, and boy are we having a party! It's strange... my life is so foreign compared to where I was a year ago... I guess this is the part of my blog where I stop touting my opinions on things I know nothing of, and can't control, and just get real... One year ago I owned three homes totalling nearly a million in real estate holdings. I had dreams of a new car, 20k in savings and plans to spend Christmas in Hawaii, accomidations already made... Those who know me know well enough how life has changed... Truly the most life-shattering and humbling year that I may ever see in my entire life. Item by item I watched the world I had created be stripped away. If I listed it all out you wouldn't even believe me... Truly, barring the death of my family, I can't imagine that life could ever be any worse. This is not an exaggeration. I will probably never see a more devastating year... And yet... it was the most beautiful year of my life. It was the hardest, don't get me wrong. I cried more tears, screamed, yelled, stressed, panicked, got so sick I was in the hospital twice... But I wouldn't trade it all for my old life. I feel that I truly had to come to this place in my life to be a worthwhile person. I've learned so much about humility, judgement, God's love, the love of others, the love FOR others, what's important, what's not important. I've learned grace, beauty, vulnerability and trust. I've learned to let go. I've learned to be grateful. I've learned that anyone who says "God will never give you more than you can handle" is full of crap. He never said that... He said "You can do all things in Christ." I've learned so much about Jesus. I've learned even more about God. I always talked to Jesus before... God seemed mean, and far away and aloof... now I realize that Jesus is His very heart revealed. God is beautiful, God is vulnerable. God waits around for me to love Him... And he gave me so much beauty in return for the ashes and dirt that I gave up. He gave me Kelly, who loves me so much, even when I forget that it's all ok, and freak out in some stressful situation. He gave me my time with Ava, who is my best little friend, whom I could spend every moment with and still never have enough time. I'm not gonna lie... sometimes it still sucks. Losing a life. Not death, but the loss of my "life". Sometimes I forget and get down. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I pass a home for sale and have an overwhelming compulsion to buy it. =) But it's ok. I am here. I'm all here. Bloom where you're planted. Dear God, teach me how.

And then he went to the farm...

Because that's where all bad doggies go... We no longer have another dog. He was rejected, and taken to the pound. True story. He obeyed better than Lily, for sure, but he had one quirk that we just couldn't get over...



He tried to eat the goat every chance he got.



So, in all fairness to goat, who WAS here first, and probably wants her neck attached to her head, Bo had to go. Is it bad that I don't miss him? He was just tied up all the time, away from goat, and would bark, wrap his leash around trees until he couldn't even sit, bark, be generally annoying, and bark. And if you ever DID let him off the leash he'd lunge at goat so quickly that heaven forbid you're standing in the way, you'll be knocked off your feet. It was just too intense, especially with little Ava.



Ok, but seriously, I really don't give nearly as much attention to the animals as this blog would imply, I do have a real life. But I needed to get that confession off my chest...



So today was Aver's first day at preschool. It really cemented my suspicions that I am just not "a mommy". I love Ava to death, but heaven forbid I should ever forget how to talk in a normal pitch, or wear only sweaters, or sport a brainless perma-grin while commenting on how "cute" and "adorable" everything is.

I digress... This section of my rant, er, blog, is about Ava. She was completely overstimulated and overwhelmed in the presence of 12 other screaming, pushing, nosepicking children and their subsequent "mommies". This overstimulation/whelmedness culminated in the throwing of herself on the floor and banging her head into the cement in a fit of rage. She will learn soon enough that the best way to handle said "rage" is to throw things and hurt OTHER people... so much to learn. I suppose this is why I have her enrolled in school at such an early age.

But I think that she shall fare well afterall, because the best thing ever happened today at preschool.

She got snack.

Oh, and I was the only mom who showed up in cargoes and a sweatshirt. And flip flops. And a ponytail. Ok, the end.

Anyway, tomorrow Kels and I get to go see Phantom. He's seen it like a bazillion times already, so it sucks to be him, but I'm going and he's being dragged along. He whined about it in the presence of testosterone so much that I actually got irritated and told him that he didn't need feel pressed to go... at which point he confessed that he's really kind of excited, but he can't let on to the other guys. I'll let it slide. I'm cool like that.

We're going to see Carlos Mencia on the 11th too... then I think we're all out of shows. And we go hunting the 12th. When I say "we", I mean, him. I like shooting inanimate objects. And I prefer handguns. So it's just not a good match. Manda and I will stay and hold down the camp site. Our job is harder, really, if you think about it. And anyhow, not sure I could eat something I saw alive anyway... I mean, I'm not much of a meat eater, and it's not like a bleeding heart issue or anything... just a grossness-factor issue. It's based upon the same principle that caused my mom to throw away 13 frozen chickens a year after we had to slaughter them. No one could bring themselves to eat one... And subsequently, we never raised another animal... unless you count Kristi. But I think she'd be gamey...

I prefer the happy...

So yeah, we have ANOTHER dog. Yes, another. His name is Bo but we call him Chance all the time on accident, because he looks like Chance from Homeward Bound. We took him from our friends because they wanted a new home for him. So, since we've been together we have accumulated a Lily, a Zeus, a Goat and a Bo. Jeez, we're turning into a regular animal shelter here. I think I'm rebelling against all the years I wanted a dog and was never "allowed" to have one. Kelly just indulges all my dog-wanting requests. Even though he generally ends up doing all the work afterward. =) He's a doll, what can I say? And Bo is good enough, as far as dogs go. He's pretty thin though, and goes nuts when he sees food. Like, "maul-you-to-get-to-said-food" nuts. And his toenails are long. I have gash-like cuts on my arms and legs. I have therefore, and subsequently, been "mauled" and love him a little less. Dumb dogs. Why couldn't we have guinea pigs?

Oh, right... because they're gross.

So, I'll admit I am a little worried about the prospect of having to move here soon. I know it's retarded, because most likely we'll have until March, and EVERYTHING always works out, but still... With three dogs and a goat finding a new place is NOT going to be easy. Maybe I could convince Delilah to take the goat... she already has one. And ours is no trouble... Of course, who even knows where we'll be then. I mean, I'm not going to say much about it right now, but it looks like we could be moving out of the area anytime within the next 2 years, maybe really soon, maybe not for a long while. Don't know when, but it would be nice if it coincided with the time we need to leave. Especially if we came down here... Not that I miss PO much, seeing as I'm still here once a week... And I love the Island, I love our house, I love our life there and our friends, but coming back would definitely mean a huge boost in my income, as I would be available here to work every day. Kelly has expressed interest, more than once, of wanting to be part of the construction industry... I've pointed out that this is somewhat lucky for him, as I happen to be the first, and only, in line to be sole proprietor here within a few years... How much fun would it be to own a construction company together? So, maybe that is our long-term plan. Who knows though... there are so many factors. So many other things that "could happen". But he has been talking about it more and more lately. Sadly, his foot injury is keeping him from doing a lot of what he wanted to do in the Navy. I think he's warming up to all this as a good alternative. =)

And also, speaking of Delilah, I need costume ideas. Her Halloween party this year is themed "Heroes and Villians". I guess it's going to be a bigger shindig than last year. Maybe this year she'll have a real band, like the Jonas Brothers (not that I'd know a Jonas Brother from a hole in the wall, but whatever), or maybe Ludo... that would be cool. She's mostly famous, she can have whoever she wants. Or so you'd think... Last year my friends and I went as "Washington State Ferries", WSU sweatshirts and wings. Yeah, we weren't trying too hard. Anyway, any input is appreciated. For your donation of ideas you shall receive an autographed poster of her, and perhaps a personal dedication on the radio. Or maybe nothing. I haven't decided yet.

So, in other news, our office is located here in dad's condo. We decided to rid ourselves of the overhead of the outside office unit and just do everything here. Which is awesome, because now when I come down I can work in sweats and just stay here, instead of crashing at Gwen's each week. Not that I don't love Gwen, but it's good to have a permanent place, even if it's only 2 days a week. And since he's never here, he pretty much lives at D's, it means I get the place all to my little self. However... all that to say... we are currently engaged in a silent, yet epic battle over the toilet paper. There is no tp holder on the wall, so he puts in on the back of the toilet, and I move it back to the counter. Back and forth it goes. But seriously, my way makes so much more sense! Who wants to reach behind them for tp? I prefer to have it easily accessible. I thought you'd like to know this.

And I am sick of this weather. It's AUGUST! It's cold, and rainy, and dark. I am wearing sweats and have a space heater going. Whatever. Complaining's not going to help. And Kelly is unwilling to relocate to Hawaii, or Fiji, or Barbados. It's whatever.

Well, the trailblazer is officially going away here within a week. We've been working on getting the Pontiac back up to speed. We got the transmission problem figured out, as it was nothing but a flush that wasn't done 4,000 miles ago, though paid for. Now there seems to be a problem with the engine. Byran and Kels seem to think it's the catalytic converter... not sure how expensive this will be. They said their first plan of action was to get a stick-like apparatus and "bang the shit out of the inside of it and see if it clears". Sounds like a plan. This is very technical mechanic speak, by the way. After that, just needs new carpet on the passenger side (bottle of bleach in a closed up car in the hot sun = not a good combo and a torn up passenger side carpet) and we're good to go. After a thorough detailing. And he says MY car is bad. Well... it is bad. But his was bad too. How can I be so OCD about a clean kitchen and wreck up the inside of a car within a few hours?

It's a christmas miracle.

Psycho-Betty and Decrepit-Red-Baron-Man have been no where to be seen as of late. Thought you should know. Neither has their stupid-looking dog, known as "Josephine Poodle". Who the hell names a dog Josephine Poodle. And for that matter, who buys huge-ass poodles? Never mind...

Argh, my phone just rang and I'm pretty sure it was someone important and it took me so long to locate my phone under all my piles of paperwork. *checks voicemail* And yes, it was important. It was the cops. We're tight like that... sometimes they just call to say hey... And to let me know the status of a case we're working on... but the first thing sounded cooler.

I realize that my last few blogs have been terribly boring, but really, there's nothing to update that's too fascinating. Things are awesome, and without the day-to-day drama of my old life there's just not as much to report on. I guess when I'm happy my literary skills go to crap. It's whatever. I prefer the happy.

Updates:

I have realized where Ava got the word shut up. It WAS Kelly. I never noticed, but he does say it all the time. He needs his mouth washed out with soap.

I also have decided NOT to sell my piano. After much wrestling with the decision, I realized that I do not want to go 20 years without having one... so there ya go. That thing will have more miles on it than Kelly's pick-up by the time I'm done hauling it around.

We went to Kelly's apt yesterday for his foot issues... It's not looking good. There's actually a medical name for the type of break he has. I don't remember what it is, but it's pretty much not good when they name it. It seems the final prognosis is that he will forever be in pain and never run again. Even walking will be painful. It's got to be a hard prognosis to take after being so active your whole life... of course, he can still play basketball with the best of them. So, I guess just stay tuned for what this means in the long-run. I do feel bad for him. I know he thinks I'm happy because it means he can't deploy... and I admit I am happy that he can't deploy because I would miss him so much. But the flip side is now he can't do something that he wants to do. It sucks, because what makes me happy makes him unhappy, and vice versa. But I would never wish him hurt like this just to stay home. I think he knows that...

Musings and General Wonderments...

There's not much to say, really, so I'm just going to ramble...

I just found out, through our only cool neighbors, who are moving *sad*, that the owners of this place are getting a divorce and she wants this house back. Which means, best case scenario, we have to move at the end of the lease term.

I AM SO TIRED OF MOVING!

So tired that I actually put my grand piano on Craigslist. Because it's been moved 4 times in a little over a year, and you know what? I'm not doing it again. I refuse. I've paid hundreds, scratch that, thousands in moving expenses. I am not doing it again. I might just sell all my furniture too... ha, just kidding. I love my gorgeous, way overpriced furniture. I miss the lucrative income that was once associated with the construction biz, and I'm not parting with my remnants of times gone by. Save the piano. Take the damn thing. When we retire and we're not moving every ten minutes, or at least 4-5 months, I shall buy another one. Besides, construction is looking up, and we're officially building again. God, I've missed it.

Tomorrow is Kelly's second appointment at the big Army hospital about his foot. Seems they want to fuse every bone in his left foot together and lay him up for 6 months. Sounds like fun. He is going to be one cranky boy after about 2 weeks. Can't say I blame him...

Ava's speech is coming along swimmingly. I am proud to say that we can now add the word "crap" and "shut up" to her repertoire. I don't even KNOW where she heard the word shut up. Kelly and I never say stuff like that. On the flip side, she's an excellent tooth brusher and is also fond of flossing. You can't win them all, I'll take what I can get. At least she's sweet, and cute and usually polite. It covers a multitude of sins.

We learned last night, through dinner with said awesome, yet moving, neighbors, that Psycho-Betty has managed to alienate everyone in the neighborhood. That makes me feel better. It's nice to know there's a comaraderie among the Psycho-Betty haters. It's like being part in a secret club, or a gang of do-gooders, like Robin Hood and his Merry Men, defending the world against the wiles of Psycho-Betty and her husband, Decrepit-Red-Baron-Man. He is 30 years older than her. The going theory is that she married him expecting him to die. And he just won't. Good job, Decrepit-Red-Baron-Man. Good job. Make her miserable. Live to be 117.

Other than that, life is awesome. I couldn't ask for better. I love my little family so much. I'm so in love with the both of them... and the animals. Yes, even Lily. I am so enamored with my guy that my heart can't hold it all. I wish I could tell you all the ways, but that is saved for my other, private, blog. The one which only three get to read. But I can tell you that I have never met a more fiercely loyal man who tries harder to make his family happy and feel loved and safe and secure. The details of that... well, you three know.

Blech

Just for the record... the best way to make yourself sick is to break weeks worth of eating whole, natural foods with chili cheese fritos and a zebra cake. I hadn't had one since I was a kid though... and it looked so good. I think I need to go bulemic here for a moment...

Anyhow, in other news... Actually, there is no news. No goat/dog duo's running amok, no new cheaters to crucify, nothing really. Just regular, old happy life. We did get a pool table, that was super cool. I mean, it's a really nice table, Kelly's a happy boy. His "Man-Room" is nearly complete. He says girls aren't allowed but gets sad when I won't hang out in there with him because I'm doing dishes or some other such chore, and can be frequently be found in there with Ava on his lap watching tv... He's all talk.

Ava has learned to remove her clothing, to include diapers, during the middle of the night. This has proved awesome. No, wait... that was something else. This really sucks. Good things she's cute and sweet and adorable...

The Infamous Duo...

Justin Burnett / The Whidbey Examiner
Despite their differences, Lily, a six-month-old Labrador retriever, and Tipper, a three-year-old Pygmy goat, are the best of friends. The two occasionally get into trouble however, as they seem to enjoy visiting their neighbors.


Justin Burnett / The Whidbey Examiner
Lily chases her best bud Tipper around the yard of their Morris Road home.

Unusual friendship is a recipe for neighborhood misadventures

By Justin Burnett
Examiner Staff Writer

Ever since Lily came into the picture, Tipper's life just hasn't been the same. Not only does she have a new best friend, but she also seems to end up in a whole lot more trouble than she used to.

Perhaps it's because Lily is a six-month-old Labrador that's as curious and rambunctious as they get. Or perhaps it's because three-year-old Tipper sometimes forgets she is a Pygmy goat.

"Tipper thinks she's a dog," said owner Kelly Smith, who lives near Coupeville. "She's supposed to be a fainting goat, but nothing really scares her. She even walks on a leash."

And even though Lily tends to be the ringleader, Tipper isn't exactly innocent, Smith said with a laugh. Like most Pygmy goats, she has a troublemaking streak of her own and it doesn't take much for the unlikely duo to end up in a misadventure like they did a few weeks ago.

For reasons that are still unclear, early one Sunday morning the two apparently decided against playing their favorite games of 'dog chases goat' and 'goat rams the dog.' Instead, they opted to go on a little expedition beyond the boundaries of their Morris Road home.

"They just decided they wanted to go off an adventure," Smith said.

What they did or where went over the next few hours, only Lily and Tipper know for sure. What is known where they ended up later that afternoon - about a quarter mile away at the home of Dave Fish and Karen Fletcher.

Fletcher said she was relaxing inside the house when one of her granddaughters came running in with an odd bit of news: There was a goat and a dog coming over for a visit! But sure enough, when she went outside to take a look, there were Lily and Tipper, walking confidently down Harrington Road.

"There they were, both just walking along," Fletcher said.

Lily and Tipper are some of the friendliest animals around, so it didn't take long for Fletcher's granddaughters, 12-year-old twins Cassidy and Chandler Fish, to fall hopelessly in love with them.

"The goat thinks she's a dog and the dog thinks she's a goat," Fletcher said. "It's really adorable."

When Fletcher decided to take Lily to the nearby Whidbey Animals Improvement Foundation shelter to see if she had an imbedded electronic identification ship, Tipper baaaaaaed her objections at being left behind.

"I wasn't going to put a goat in my car," Fletcher said, shaking her head.

Lily wasn't gone long, however, as she did not have an identification chip. Realizing both animals would need to spend the night, and feeling it wouldn't be right to tie them up, a makeshift enclosure was set up in Fletcher's yard.

Meanwhile, Smith and his girlfriend Rachel Warner had been frantically searching the neighborhood for the odd couple. They were happily reunited the next day after Fletcher got a call from the county, informing her of Lily and Tipper's real owners.

"Lily has run off before and always come back," Warner said. "But that was the first time the goat took off, and it scared me."

Lark Gustafson, a veterinarian at Penn Cove Veterinary Clinic, said the two adventurers shouldn't be judged too harshly. They are just doing what comes naturally. Lily has an instinct to roam, and Tipper is a herd animal whose instinctively stays with her companion. Even though under other circumstances they might consider each other predator and prey, it's not all that uncommon for domesticated animals to form such unlikely friendships.

"You see that from time to time," Gustafson said.

But Tipper the pygmy goat may be part canine after all. One week after her adventure with Lily, she was back at Fletcher's house for another visit, and this time she was all by herself.

"We took the dogs out, and she decided she wanted to go out, too," Smith said.



See the article here: http://www.whidbeyexaminer.com/main.asp?Search=1&ArticleID=1590&SectionID=3&SubSectionID=3&S=1

Seriously... Seriously.

I could wring me some necks here. Three men, three weeks. All cheating. Who knows how many aren't caught? For those lucky ones who are still somehow able to keep from being found out, if you are seriously too cowardly to just own up to the fact that you're not man enough to stick it out, consider these pointers:

1) Erase your shit from your cell phone. Dumb ass. This includes pictures, texts, phone records, videos, etc., etc., etc. I shouldn't have to tell you this.

2) Don't tell people about your exploits. This increases the number of people who know. You'd think this might be obvious.

3) Log off your internet sessions, moron. If you've got your girlies contacting you on your IM, TURN IT OFF when you're done. Dumb ass. If you're on dating sites, erase your history. And your temporary internet files. But then, if you're stupid enough to do it in the first place, you're probably too stupid to consider these factors.

And lastly, go to hell.

7/29/08: And lastly again... No, this doesn't have anything to do with Kelly, for those who have expressed concern. We're great. =) We still love eachother, like, a lot.

Dearest Little Maddie

Precious little Madeline Lester died just a little over 6 months ago, today. I was just reading the letters from Dave and Cindy to their little one in heaven. I can hardly see the words I type now as the tears fall... I haven't talked to Dave in Cindy in so long... Yet I think about them all the time. What do you say to people who have just lost the most beautiful thing in their life? There's been so many others who are so much closer to them... I feel that my words might seem empty and void, not having been that close to them in the past few years. Anyhow... all that is not what I meant to say... I don't really know what to say, except that I ache for them. I cry for them more often than I thought I would and I'm sure more often then they think I do. I can't even imagine the ripping pain that losing your little girl would cause. I look at Ava and the thought of her not being there is unbearable. I don't think I could handle it. I don't know how they do. I can imagine that you would be forever changed. Dearest little Ava, I love you so much. I always wish I better... what mom doesn't. I hope that I can be half the mom you deserve. Dear little Maddie... Thank you for all that you've done and all the hearts you've touched in your short three years. Thank you for showing me how much more I need to love those that I have now.

Dear Psycho-Betty

We wanted to let you know that we will not be helping you any further with your fence. When we agreed to help you it was out of kindness, as a good-faith gesture towards becoming amicable neighbors. However, we do not believe this is possible any longer. We feel that you have become demanding, unreasonable and, honestly, quite ridiculous in your expectations.

Until we received your letter we had no knowledge of the trouble that Lily had caused. We agree that Lily should not have been in your yard and when we became aware of her troublesome visits we penned and leashed her so that she no longer has any freedom. Upon receiving your letter we tried to make amends through a note of apology and a gift of some plants, thinking this might be a gift that you would like. Yet, even after making reasonable amends we still acquiesced and agreed to help you fortify this fence, though it was now an unnecessary measure as Lily is permanently confined.

Perhaps, being retired, you do not realize that as a young, working mother I have a fairly busy life. Just because I am able to manage some of my workload from home does not mean that my life is full of free time and has no schedule. I am partner in a very busy construction firm that demands quite a lot from me. I offered to help you in the time frame that was workable with my schedule, however, that was not acceptable to you as you wanted it done in your time. I would have helped you while Ava naps each day, but again, this was not acceptable. You mentioned that you thought I should bring Ava with me to your home for the remaining hours that it would take to finish your fence. To expect me to take a two year old to your home and have her busy herself for hours at a time while I try to dig a trench and erect a fence is preposterous. You stated that we were expected to perform this work in your yard, during your time frame, as YOU were being kind in helping US erect YOUR fence. I think you are sorely mistaken as to whom was being kind to whom in the building of this fence. Our responsibility is to keep our animal in our yard. Work that you want done to your yard is your responsibility.

In closing, neither Kelly nor I prefer to spend our time working with you any longer. Again, this was originally offered as a gesture of good-will, however you have displayed a misguided sense of entitlement and a twisted sense of other's social responsibilities while your own social awareness, not to mention basic kindness, is severely lacking.

Please do not contact us any further regarding this matter.

Thank you,

Kelly Smith and Rachel Warner






Oh, Snap.

Bella Vida

Do you ever just have one of those days where life is so overwhelmingly beautiful that it actually hurts? It's not perfect, of course, but even the imperfections are beautiful little threads woven into a larger picture, adding character and a bit of the unexpected. And perhaps the imperfect things that aren't beautiful are at least tolerable... Like bad little doggies and psycho-self-absorbed-with-too-large-a-sense-of-entitlement neighbors like the one we've come to know, not so affectionately, as Psycho-Betty. But today is too wonderful to talk about her... I shall save that story for tomorrow.

Today I am absolutely in love with my family.

Our little Ava is being a darling, and we're having a fun day full of cheerios, puzzles and musica. (Known also as "seeka" in the wee world.) Watching a little blonde haired, blue eyed kid "speaking" spanish is pretty darn cute. I never knew before I had her that you could be so in love with your child.

Kelly is truly the greatest love of my life... some reasons known only to us and some are completely obvious to everyone who knows him. I am so overwhelmingly in love with that boy.

I also love the pattern that my life has finally fallen into. After living like a gitana for so long, having a real life schedule is sooooo wonderful. Of course, my schedule pretty much consists of doing whatever I want 5 days a week, and working for two. You really can't beat it.

Super excited because I wanted to start Belly Dancing again and it just so happens that the class I used to take in Port Orchard is now on Wednesday evenings... the one evening I happen to be in Port Orchard, so Gwen and I are returning. Did I mention that I am super excited! It's been a good two years since I've danced... Let's hope I haven't lost it all...

Sara, dear dear overly pregnant Sara, finally had Elsa! At 9 lbs, 4 oz, you know she was overdue. Elsa is a sweet, quiet little darling and I know her parents are thrilled. Oh, and Happy Birthday Sara!

And Vanessa, I am so glad to have you as my friend. Even though I never ever see you, I consider you one of the closest friends I have and am so happy that someone understands me so well. I will never judge you for being intelligent or busy. I am also truly cursed. ;)

And Gwen... you know I'm excited. And I won't say why. :D

Our goat has made us famous...

Apparently the Island is enthralled by adorable rogue puppy/goat duos. The newspaper came by today to shoot the photos for the article. When it comes out I'll post it here.

Kels is sick. Again. Perhaps a diet of Taco Bell, Mountain Dew and Coors Lite (not necessarily in that order) is NOT the healthiest option. I might have to start buying him Flinstone vitamins... Ava likes 'em. I don't know what to do with the poor boy. He's hardly moved from couch in three days. He's actually stayed home more than the time he had, and subsequently hospitalized me and Ava with, Influenza A. This time Ava has infected him. They are now even. I'm saving mine up for something good... like cancer or head lice. But in the mean time I am being nice and making chicken noodle soup and pumping him full of vitamin c. Poor baby...

I still do not like my psycho-betty neighbor. I know Jesus says to love thy neighbor, but obviously Jesus never met psycho-betty. Her parting comment to me when I left her house after nearly two hours on my knees digging a 30' trench 10" deep was "If I'm not here tomorrow you know what's going on now, you can just come get started yourself!". Think so biotch? Think again. I no-showed. What is she going to do? Never talk to me again? If only I was so lucky... Maybe she'll die soon. Maybe she'll drown in the pond that Lily keeps "destroying" that takes her "hours to rebuild". Maybe she's on frickin crack because "the pond" is actually a little pre-molded fountain in the ground not 2' in diameter and maybe 15" deep. Frickin idiot-crack-head-psycho-betty-biotch.

I'm not bitter.

The Tale of the Prodigal Dog and the Lemming Goat

Quick version. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate Lily.

Long Version: Yesterday around 1 we notice that said hated Lily and my beloved goat were no where to be found. Ironic since I had just told Lily to run away and get eaten not 2 hours earlier, however because she took my goat I resorted to trying to find her. Sadly I was successful and Animal Control said that they had, in fact, received a call of a puppy/goat duo. Figuring there weren't too many I went and retrieved them. I hugged the goat. I kicked Lily. I kicked Lily again when I was trying to insert the goat into the back of my Trailblazer and Lily tried to eat goat's back leg, causing her to almost kick me. Therefore the kick was passed to Lily and we went on our merry way. In closing, I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that dog. We are getting her an invisible fence and I am setting the collar to "Stun".

In other "reasons to hate Lily" news... I have to go help our nutjob neighbor rebuild a freakin fence because that &$%*ing dog won't stop tearing through it. I don't even like that &$%*ing dog, why do *I* have to do it? I might have to kick her a few extra times for this.

Oh Wow...

Yesterday was a sad day for many people that I know... it was a sad, sad day where many tears were shed. Three different sets of people that I know well... Bad things happen in threes I guess...

It just makes me ever more grateful for my beautiful life. I'm sure I'm undeserving... thank God for grace. I really, really love you Kelly. Thank you for being my safe place and being strong and constant. I don't know what I'd do with out you.

Oh and...

The damn goat doesn't faint.

We even shot off a .38 right next to her... (Which is DAMN loud, to everyone except Graham, our token deaf friend.) And yeah... nothing. Not even a blackout, let alone a faint.

I want my money back.

Now I just a have regular goat.


Sad.

And along the lines of deaf Grahams, he's also allergic. Ode to a 4-wheel ride through the hay fields, ala Hoff...


But we did get in our first goat sacrifice. Actually, I think the goat may be suicidal, she voluntarily walked into the firepit. I don't know why... it wasn't like we were taking turns trying to scare the bajesus out of the thing...

You can't make this stuff up... the pictures don't lie...

A quickie...

Blog you dirty, dirty people... a quickie blog!

Got a hot tub yesterday. It's awesome. I love Craigslist. Now we watch Kels electrocute himself as he wires it. Good times. I may be a housebuilding extrodinaire but I do NOT touch electrical rough-in. I prefer to get my highs in other ways. Like coffee... Yup, there's my little guy right there... best little sugar free fat free coffee in the whole world. I just love chemicals...


Yesterday just may have been one of the best days... we took our Hoff's and our Bice's to go get the hot tub, then went to the river and chilled for the day. We invited our token black friend, Daley, but he muttered something about how black kids can't swim or something... who knows...

We trekked down to our little corner of the water, trying to keep 14 month (give or take a few days) pregnant Sara from dying as we scaled the sandy edge of a cliff and got eaten alive by the biggest flies you've ever seen. At one point Manda and I decided to go check out the shallower waters close to "The Others". They proved friendly, as one young Other came over to say hello wearing nothing but his boxer briefs... that took some bal... umm... guts. Why is it not socially acceptable for women to walk around in public in their underwear? Men not need answer this question... Anyhow, scrawny guys in boxer briefs aside, it was a good day. Jesse tried to assasinate Kelly by ninja kicking him in the ribs as Kelly waded into the deeper waters. Jesse then having a bout of conscience showed his apologetic spirit and remorse by dropping a pile of sand on his stomach and saying "Here Korndog, this will make it feel better." Alas, the Korndog lives.

On that note, I have a ton of work to do.

This is The Rach, over and out.

I would write a book...

But who'd believe it?


We have a few new additions to the Smith/Warner home... The bestest little (huge) doggie in the whole world, Zeus, whom I love much more than Lily. I am not allowed to tell him this in front of Lily though, as Kelly is afraid she'll get a complex. Perhaps is she weren't a hyper, biting, jumpy, car scratching, child mauling pup of a dog I would love her. But alas... Oh, she ran away a few weeks ago... Kelly was so sad and I felt so guilty that I prayed to God to bring her home, that I'd be nice to her and love her. We got the phone call that she was found. I lived up to my end of said bargain with Jesus... for a day and a half. :D It's the thought that counts. I dont want her to die, of course, just calm down. Doggy zanax perhaps? Anyhow, back to the best dog EVER... The day Lily disappeared we figured we should get her a companion. He's half Rott, half German Shepherd. He's just a big 90 pound lap dog who would rather lay on the couch then run around outside. He's pretty awesome. He's also afraid of Fuzzy Rat Head the XVII... which brings me to...

I have secured a fainting goat for our little zoo at home. All we need now is a pony and perhaps a potbellied pig and we're a bona fide Puyallup Fair sideshow. She's a sweet little goat whom Kelly has named Tipper. I call her "Fuzzy Rat Head the XVII" for short. For those not familiar with the Myotonic(fainting) breed, they go catatonic when scared and their muscles freeze up and they fall over all stiff. This shall prove to provide hours of entertainment for both our family and our friends, I'm sure. Kelly wasn't so thrilled about the idea at first, but I found her on sale on Craigslist, the official shopping center of the Smith/Warner household lately, and he agreed. Then he took her for a walk. He loves her.


I realize that I am not a "2 dogs and a goat" kinda person... but you know... people change I guess. =) This is most amusing to my old "city" friends. But you know what, they're just jealous that they don't have fainting animals.

I'm still really happy out in Coupeville. Probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. It's so beautiful and peaceful. And you can go 4-wheeling whenever you want, which is another awesome bonus. Since moving there we have also secured a large trampoline and a hot tub, to arrive on Sunday. We are officially the party place. Even Gwen loved 4-wheeling... she also learned how to ride! There is the picture to prove it!


Ava's officially 2 years old as of Tuesday. I can't believe my little baby has been here for two years. I can't even fathom how much I love her. I also can't fathom how much Kelly loves her. He is so good with her and to her, I'm so grateful for him in so many ways. Ah, she's also learned her first swear word. Whenever she drops stuff she says "Oh Sit"... I'll let you figure it out. We're working on saying "aw nuts" instead...

Other than that, not much going on... just the same old stress and drama at every turn. What would I do without it now? Probably be terribly bored. At least I'm a few hours removed from it now. =)

Ah, funny quote last night after Gwen sprained her ankle she felt led to talk about how Kari offered to carry her out of the gym... coversation went just like this:
"Yeah, Kari bent over and assumed the position and for a second I was just going to hop on..."
Thank God everyone who heard her thought she was drunk because she was limping and stumbling.

All right, stuff to do... It's date night. Must head home. This is Rachel, over and out.

Oh, and Vanessa? Since you're the only one reading this we're having a bbq on the fourth and you guys are totally invited. So is anyone else who reads this just out of gratefulness for wasting a valuable 3 minutes of your day.

And I'm still the luckiest girl in the world.

Details, Details.

So, it has been brought to my attention, more than once and usually via Vanessa, that no one has any idea what I'm talking about most of the time. I admit this has been mostly on purpose, in order to protect my interests during these last 6 months or so... However, I think it's time to start opening up, so here we go...

As previously predicted my life is completely different than it was a few months ago. Wow, where to start... I've left Port Orchard. I've officially moved to Oak Harbor with Kels and I love it. We've got a cool little (huge) place surrounded by 92 acres of prime 4-wheeling property. Most weekends are spent doing just that and/or bbq-ing with friends, bonfires, sharp shooting contests and blowing things up. (Ok, that only happened once...) I've developed an awesome circle of friends, they are some of the greatest people I've ever known. While I still miss my Gwen terribly I come visit her every so often in PO and life goes on. I have adopted a Sarah and an Amanda and theyre just peachy. I'm very happy here, finally feel like I can take that deep breath that I've been holding the last 7 months or so.

I've also quit my real estate investing... Some reasons are fairly obvious, some not so much... I actually, at the end of all this, will only have one rental left. It's all good though, feels freeing to finally be out of the burden of the stress of having so much crap. I've realized how much I felt the need to acquire to fill the hole in my heart... Delilah told me once that when you're truly where you're supposed to be, when you truly love and are loved in return, you'd be happy in a cardboard box. Coming from the woman who makes more in a week than most people do in a year I never believed her, of course... but now I get it. She has been such a huge support to me. I'm grateful to have her. In so many ways I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, even as I watch everything I've worked so hard for slip through my fingers. I've got my awesome little family, yes, even the stupid dog, and that's all I want. It feels strange to actually be so raw here like this... it's been a long time I've been able to actually just WRITE. Anyhow, lucky, yes. Loved, yes. Crazy, but of course. ;)

What else, what else... Brittany gets married August 9th. Things got pushed up a year or so for financial reasons, but it's a good thing. They've waited long enough. Kristi has gone to live with Dad and Delilah at the farm, I pray she finds herself there.

Anyhow, I suppose that's the major stuff. Kels is in Wyoming for the next 12 days, so I'm here in the PO hanging with my peeps, packing up what's left in the house, working (except not really) and all other kinds of fun stuff. I'm here for awhile anyway, let me know if you want to hang out. This means you Vanessa, as I'm not sure anyone else reads these...

Brown Chicken Brown Cow

All right, I know you've been waiting... here they are, top ten (or so) quotes of the week:

"I feel like a dickhead... what kinda man runs over a puppy?!"

"I don't know about smart people... they're kinda weird."

"I don't trust that guy. I don't trust ANY man that doesn't think farts are funny... because farts... are FUNNY."

"These Seattlites go buy their latest and greatest Jesus sandals and go bebopping up into the mountains with a llama..."

"What? Raw Dough?... Oh good, I was picturing chocolate chips in inappropriate places."

There ya go.

Oh, and what do you get when you mix a brown chicken with a brown cow?

Brownchickenbrowncow! (Say it outloud.)

Pretty much had an awesome weekend. That's all. There was fire, friends, food and fourwheelers... what else do you need? Maybe a helmet... Would have saved more than one face a black eye this weekend.

I'm a happy, happy kid, that's for darn sure. Life has, once again, totally uprooted me in the last few months and changed everything... and it's grand.

So, here's the low down on what's up... I'm moving. Again. It's only three times since August... yeah. I'm renting out the Dutchess house now... Only, I didn't buy a new one this time. =) Stupid housing crisis has hit home. Divorce didn't help. So I have a few rooms available for rent, if you've recently found yourself homeless... I should be out of here within two weeks. Surreal. Never thought I'd own three homes and not be able to live in any of them. =) It's ok though, I'm being taken care of and life is grand. Things mean very little anymore... I've learned that you can't buy enough things to buy happiness. I am truly happy now, in the face of losing everything. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. I sit open handed and with a smile on my face, for he has traded me something infinitely more valuable. Joy, security, happiness, love, trust, the ability to learn to be "me" again and a safe place to crash.

Ava is doing well. She's beautiful, happy and healthy. And stubborn. Oh dear god, who taught her the word "no"? It wasn't me. *sigh* We got her a little puppy named Lily... who is fast becoming not so little. Ava likes to sleep with her in the crib. And lily likes to ride on her lap in the car. =) A few days ago we went through the drive through, I asked her if she'd like chicken nuggets... She looks up the sky and says "ummmmmmmmmm.... fesh fize". (French fries.) Stinker.

Anyhow... there's so much more to report, but it needs to be saved for another time. I'm out holmes.

That's All

Overwhelmed.

I am, I am.

All is lost... All is found.

It's all good, for I've found my safe place. Could I be any happier while it all falls apart?

I doubt it.

The Luckiest Girl in the World...

That's me.

Don't know why... or how it happened... and I'm sure I don't deserve it... but there it is.
Unwavering. Beautiful. Safe. Loving.
Redemption? Maybe.
Even in the face of crazy. Life is crazy. I am crazy. But you knew that, didn't you.
My heart is happy. I'm grateful. I'm light. I'm enthralled. I am learning... always learning. I'll get it... eventually.

No disclaimer. I live right now. This is me today.

Life is beautiful. Even when it shouldn't be. And I'm glad to be in it.

Ode to Kristi

My favorite 14 year old sister wrote this... but I would have, if I'd have thought about it.

a promise to myself: ive decided to prove people wrong. To do whatever makes people happy inlife. to believe in myself. I will never care what people think of me. and to only show wisdom when needed. besides, for now, i need it the most. To show the world something different. and be happy where ever i am. to think about what i have, and where i am. and where im going. i wont think about all my flaws. i want to be beautiful inside & out. i wont live in a fantasy land. ill be right here beside you. and i learn to love like never before. i'll try new stuff. ill read my bible. i will find what i havnt discovered yet. i wont make promises. and Ill be a better person. ill work hard for the right things, and ill keep my nose clean. i will be happy with what i have and who i am. I'll find who i am. ill change, try new things, go new places. Comfort people i love. ill show people who im gonna become. ill be nicer then necasary. and ill let them know that you can be happy in a cardboard box. because if i dont start now, i wont know how to be happy wherever i am. ill learn the dangers of selfishness, and ill cry when i need to. i will never let myself get too stressed that i wont know the meaning of fun. i wont get scared of the future, and forget everything ive promised myself. i wont block out pain, i will not harden my heart. pain is only a passing lesson. ill learn every lesson. I wont make things all about me. ill listen to instruction, and what im told. i'll believe in what people dont. i want to end up somewhere great. poor, rich, lonely. Ill have everything i need in reality, nothing at all. Ill memorize this up & down.
and i can only start now.

Hortense

I am so glad my name is not Hortense.

True story: "What should I tip him?" "A cookie." *writing* "Here's... a... cookie..."

So some girl at Desert Sun hornswaggled me out of another $200 today. I'm such a sucker. Seriously... I have enough UVA and UVB rays on tap to give skin cancer to a small nation. Perhaps Iceland. It's a small country, compared to some. And they prob don't get a lot of warm sunshine, so it'd be easy. And yes... I seriously just said hornswaggled.

My Gwen is home from Denver. Talk about the longest 5 days of my life. Actually... those weren't the longest... I'm pretty sure it was the time I tried to quit coffee. I know... what was I thinking.

I'm very distracted, sorry that the literary genius has been reduced to mere mediocrity today. It's the fault of people who smell so good. And won't let me sleep in the grass. I deserved it.

As Gwen says "You're a freakin' freaker." I am. But I'm so damned lovable.

And you better watch it peeps, or I'll crack your ribs. *sigh*

This is Rach, over and out.

In the tradition...

Here are a few smatterings of my conversations today:


Rachel: "She's brushing her teeth." Eric: "With a... taquito."


Gwen: "Well, obviously, the neck is the head-handle."


Rachel: "and I feel like a gluttony fat head" Gwen: "oh yeah??.... I feel like a gluttony fat-head retard that needs to wear a helmet because I am not even safe to operate a shower!"


Rachel: "Please don't thrown chicken at my computer."

Another day in the life of Rachel. Enjoy.

True Story

This conversation actually transpired between Kristi and I this evening.


Rachel: "Wow, this guy's ugly. No wonder he's single."


Kristi: "Well, you're single and you're not... hideous...

... I mean, you look nice...

...pretty...

...pretty gorgeous...

...I'm just trying to cover..."

A little something I wrote for Ava

All the things I wish someone had told me...

1) Nothing is guaranteed, or certain. You can lose money, beauty fades, friends can move, family can pass away, wit and knowledge can be stolen by old age... The only thing that no one or no thing can ever take away from you is Jesus. Always live your life in such a way that you remember that.

2) The type of music you listen to will directly affect the kind of person that you are.

3) Never choose a friend for their looks, their popularity, or their money.

4) No one is ever more important than you are. People are just good at pretending.

5) Hold your head up, smile, shake hands firmly and look people in the eye. It will take you far.

6) Family comes first. Stick together and have eachothers backs. One day you'll regret it if you don't.

7) Boys are a dime a dozen. Find a man who loves God, and loves you. If you're not compatible, move on. Life is short, don't waste your time with the wrong one.

8) Don't keep company with lazy people who have no ambition or goals.

9) Remember that every mean person is hurting on the inside.

10) Treat everyone as if they're the most important person in the world.

11) Never say in private what you don't want said in public. Even if only half of it ever gets out, that can lead to a lot of embarrassment.

12) You will never know how much your parents love you... until you have children of your own.

13) Don't bother with grudges or bitterness... odds are they don't care anyway.

14) Whenever you're in a new place and you're feeling insecure, smile and go talk to someone who's standing alone. They're feeling the same way.

15) 98% of life in mental. Everything is outlook and perception. Think positive, be positive. Always be grateful. Make every day the best day ever.

16) There is nothing that you can not do if you really want it bad enough. It may take hard work, but never give up. Anyone that tells you otherwise had already made excuses for their own failures.

17) You will attract what you think about. May all of your daydreams have happy endings.

Bed time nonsense

It's currently 10:18pm, and I'm sitting at home, lights flickering, damning directv for the stupid "satellite" idea. Who came up with that? One inch of snow and suddenly the whole system goes to crap. Figures, I don't watch tv for weeks, then the one night I decide to catch up on LOST, I get cut off right after Naomi runs off. If you know the ending, don't tell me. Or I shall have to cut you in a street fight. Hey, I've noticed you're pretty gangster... well, I just happen to be pretty gangster myself.

I'm in the writing mood again lately. I can't tell you what's inspired it, not because I'm unaware of said muse, but because I can't tell you. Top secret government stuff, I'm sure you understand. Plus I'd be laughed at and made fun of. Only Gwen and Missy know where my renewed love of my own literary genius has come from... and they're sworn to secrecy! And they might even be a little confused.

Today was the day of the appendicitis scare. Good news. I'm still alive con mi appendix. It's a good day when you think about it like that. Lucky for me the new roomie's a doctor and has random drugs lying around to make me better. Not like pk's, you drug addicts. Like antibiotics. Sheesh.

True story: These quotes actually transpired between gwen and I today.

*You know what I love about me? Besides everything?
*And he looks like he fell down the stairs face first. While in the house of ugly.
*Gwen: "I am totally feeling like a chip monster!" Rach: "Don't do it!"
*Rachel: "Hallelujah, I'm healed!" Gwen: "Right... he smacked your forehead... did some dancing around... ta-da! Oh, and fake smoke too. And lasers. Lots and lots of lasers."

Ok. I love you, bye.

Well, Hot Dog!

I'm back.

And better than ever.

Welcome to the new and improved home of the blog o' Rach.

So much to be caught up on... Where to start.

Jennifer Aniston. I saw her. No, that's a lie. I did not see her. But we were in the same room... Yup, true story. And when I say room, I mean hotel. And actually, no, she was in the makeup trailer right outside the hotel and I was in the hotel, but I walked by her trailer. I think it was hers. Yeah... nevermind.

Other than that... Life is great. I know you've missed me.

More to follow, stay tuned people.

Oh, for the newbies, if you need to catch up on the distant past, go to sappington.blogspot.com.

Ignore the one emo rant. That happens very rarely.

This is Rach, over and out.