Friday, July 18, 2008
Dearest Little Maddie
Precious little Madeline Lester died just a little over 6 months ago, today. I was just reading the letters from Dave and Cindy to their little one in heaven. I can hardly see the words I type now as the tears fall... I haven't talked to Dave in Cindy in so long... Yet I think about them all the time. What do you say to people who have just lost the most beautiful thing in their life? There's been so many others who are so much closer to them... I feel that my words might seem empty and void, not having been that close to them in the past few years. Anyhow... all that is not what I meant to say... I don't really know what to say, except that I ache for them. I cry for them more often than I thought I would and I'm sure more often then they think I do. I can't even imagine the ripping pain that losing your little girl would cause. I look at Ava and the thought of her not being there is unbearable. I don't think I could handle it. I don't know how they do. I can imagine that you would be forever changed. Dearest little Ava, I love you so much. I always wish I better... what mom doesn't. I hope that I can be half the mom you deserve. Dear little Maddie... Thank you for all that you've done and all the hearts you've touched in your short three years. Thank you for showing me how much more I need to love those that I have now.
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I've wanted to say something to Dave and Cindy for the longest time, if I saw them - which is pretty unlikely, these days. I get their notifications for Maddie's site, still, and they talk about how they are grieving and still missing her. Cindy said it's okay to go up to them and talk about Maddie. They are already sad, and it won't make them sadder. But, it can feel like sentiments and words must be so hollow, when the agony of losing a child has no comparable heartache.
I reread her site the other day, too. It made me cry. I get it.
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